


Why Me?

by ToriTheExplori



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: F/F, louis mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 06:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToriTheExplori/pseuds/ToriTheExplori
Summary: Violet feels guilty after the the attack on Ericson's.Clementine tries her best to help.Spoilers for the Final Season





	Why Me?

Violet sighs as she stares at the map, her eyes unseeing the paper in front of her. A whole night wasted. She is no closer to figuring out where her friends have been taken. Abel is less than helpful and Clementine is on bed rest since Ruby diagnosed her with a concussion. A light injury considering she had fallen from the second story head first. Violet wanted to scream. Twelve hours felt so short when lives were on the line and it was up to you to find them. 

Last night had been such a tidal wave of emotions. Everything was perfect in those few minutes with Clementine on the roof. Violet was happy again, smiling and making up constellations with the girl she had a crush on. And when she glanced over, Clem seemed happy too. A soft smile lighting up her face and her voice gentle. It was a completely different side of Clementine that she was so excited to see more of. Then Clementine had kissed her and it was possibly the most romantic moment of her life. She wanted to stay in that moment forever.

But then the raiders had shown up and everything went to shit so quickly. If she closes her eyes she can remember the feeling of Clem’s lips against hers, soft and fast. She tries to hold onto that feeling but it’s quickly overshadowed by negative memories. 

The fear she felt as Clementine offered herself to the raiders. The anger that filled her as the woman Clem once knew, Lilly, taunted her by bringing up Lee. The guilt that coursed through her as Lilly casually mentioned Minnie. The sight of Clementine toppling off the second floor, landing on top of Abel and remaining motionless. The helplessness as Clementine stared down the barrel of a rifle.The frantic beat of her heart as she rushed to help.

“Go to hell.”

“You’ll be there for a good long time before I show up.”

“I don’t mind waiting.” She can still hear the bite in Clementine’s tone, the powerful fury behind her words and the resignation that made her eyes slide closed once the barrel was fully pressed into her forehead. Her complete acceptance of death made Violet’s blood run cold. 

Luckily Louis was there to protect her, and not a moment too late. But then he was being dragged away and a woman was grappling with Violet. Everything happened in the span of a couple seconds. Once second she was being pushed towards the cage behind her, then in the next there was an arrow in the woman’s shoulder and Lilly was escaping with Omar, Aasim and Louis. She watched the raiders drag them away on carts. She had half a mind to charge after them but Clementine was behind her, strong and determined, her hand resting on Violet’s shoulder to prevent that from happening. Violet isn’t sure if Clem made the right call choosing her over Louis. Louis is sunshine, happiness and weird little quirks. He doesn’t deserve to be sent to a child military camp. Honestly, she’s not even sure if Louis can handle that sort of pressure. He might not come back the same person. There’s no guarantee he’ll come back at all. 

“Motherfucker!” Violet yells, flinging the pencil in her hand across the room. She watches it sail until it hits the wall and rolls down to the floor. She doesn’t feel any better. Her heart is a jackhammer in her chest and her brain is fried. She needs to calm down. She needs a friend. She needs a plan. She needs Clem. 

Her brain grinds to a halt and sticks. She needs Clementine; To help her plan, to cheer her up, to talk to her, to hug her and tell her everything will be okay. Maybe all of the above. With a deep breath Violet makes her way out of the room, hoping nobody will get in her way. As she storms down the stairs and halls, nobody says a word. She’s almost relieved at the lack of communication but then she remembers it’s because Louis is gone. Louis is the one to cheer everyone up, keep things light and relaxed. And she the reason he’s gone. Because Clem chose her over him. Why did she do that?

Violet blinks and finds she’s outside of Clementine’s room, hand poised to knock. She freezes in place. Her chest feels tight and her body is too tense. What is she even supposed to say? “Sorry I think I’m having a panic attack and need a hug”? That’s something she would rather die than say to anyone. Admitting vulnerability to the pillar of strength that is Clementine will just sound like whining. There’s no way she can be vulnerable like that. Just when she’s about to turn around, a familiar voice calls out to her.

“You gonna stand out there all day?” Clementine’s sudden voice makes her jump. The door is shut tight and she’s reminded that Clementine is conditioned to hear everything around her. Missing a noise could mean life or death outside Ericson’s walls. With a deep breath, she opens the room and takes a single, mechanical step inside.

“Sorry.” Violet offers, her voice devoid of any sort of emotion as she crosses her arms. Clem is smirking from her spot against her dresser, though the look fades the more she takes Violet in. Unable to handle the scrutiny, Violet’s gaze falls to the floor. Her brain feels like it’s shutting down, only capable of one question. Why?

“You okay?” Clem asks after a moment of just assessing the girl in front of her. Violet isn’t sure how to respond to that. She made a mistake coming here, thinking Clementine could talk her out of the paralyzing panic she feels. The need to leave is strong and Violet wants to turn around but her body won’t listen and her mouth won’t communicate so she’s left awkwardly standing beside the door. 

“Vi, what’s wrong?” Clementine asks, taking a few steps closer to the frozen girl. Violet’s vision becomes hazy and the floor disappears into a blur of color. There’s so much that’s gone wrong that she couldn’t possibly list it all out. Nothing she does has been good enough. She’s not good enough. Why did Clem save her instead? “H-hey just breathe okay?” Violet snaps out of her thoughts with a warm hand on her cheek and golden eyes boring into her own. Clementine is right in front of her, inches away and her eyebrows are furrowed. Violet wonders how long she’s been looking at Clementine rather than the floor.

Violet tries to follow Clem’s lead, breathing in time with her. After what feels like hours, she calms down enough to speak. 

“I… Sorry.” She apologizes again, looking towards the wall in embarrassment. She’s terrified of the answer to her question and she’s not sure why. 

“Hey, don’t apologize, it’s fine.” Clementine reassures her, her thumb absentmindedly stroking Violet’s cheek before she seems to realize what she’s doing and pulls away. Violet feels like she should be blushing, but her brain is still consumed with the question of why. “Want to tell me what’s going on?” Clementine asks with concern, hesitantly dropping down to hold Violet’s hand. Clementine seems unsure of her actions after a moment of silence so Violet interlaces their fingers mechanically. The soft grin on Clem’s face makes her small moment of bravery worth it.

“Why?” The question bursts out of Violet’s mouth before she can stop it. She can feel her heartbeat in her ears. She doesn’t want the answer to that, she needs to redirect. Clementine opens her mouth to answer but Violet rushes out her words before she can. “I just… I suck at this whole leadership thing. I can’t figure out where the raiders took our friends. I don’t know how to make Abel say anything. You’re hurt. Mitch is dead. It feels like everyone is waiting for me to tell them what to do or offer advice, but I don’t have any. Who knows if the raiders will come back for the rest of us? At the very least they know where we are. We-” Violet cuts herself off when she’s suddenly pulled into Clementine’s arms. 

“It’s okay.” Clementine reassures her softly, one hand resting on the back of Violet’s head and one around her waist. Violet takes a few breaths, not realizing how worked up she was getting. Her heartbeat stops feeling like a drum. Her body stops shaking and she realizes belatedly that she doesn’t know when it had started. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to just unload on you like that.” Nevertheless, she returns the embrace and buries her face in Clem’s neck. She feels the blood rushing up to her ears but refuses to let go. Clementine is strong and her hug makes Violet feel safe, protected. She wants to hold on a bit longer. 

“You’re fine.” Clementine’s voice is so gentle and patient that Violet wants to cry. She won’t, of course, because she has been weak enough for one day but her chest feels tight regardless. “We’ll get them back Violet, I’ll help you. Everyone here will help get their friends back, I promise.” Clementine’s voice has that edge it gets when she’s saying something especially inspiring and Violet finds herself believing the words. 

“Clementine.” Violet takes a breath and wills her hands to stop shaking so hard. “I don’t understand. Why?” Violet voices the question that brought upon her panic in the first place. She still isn't sure she wants to know the answer.

“Because they’re my friends too? I know I’ve only been around a few weeks but-” Violet shakes her head. 

“No. Why did you save me and not Louis?” Violet wants to pull away so she does and Clementine releases her immediately. It throws her off because she was kind of expecting more of a struggle but Clementine has her hands raised in a bewildered surrender. 

“Why did I save…” Clementine trails of softly, her eyes wide but her eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty. For some reason, her confusion makes Violet feel on edge. She barrels on, her frustration being fueled by the panic shooting through her. 

“Why me? He saved you. He was there when you needed him but you chose me and I just don’t get why. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I just can’t understand.” Violet trails off, not wanting to pin the blame on Clementine for the choice she made or insult her. 

“I… Kind of thought it was obvious.” Clementine practically whispers in response, her arms crossed tight over her chest. Violet thinks she might be blushing but is too full of anxiety to decipher why. When it becomes obvious Violet isn’t going to respond, Clementine continues. “Remember how you felt when you saw Lilly pinning me on the ground?” 

“Yeah, I do.” Violet nods because she remembers that profound feeling of dread and protectiveness. The memory makes her angry and scared all at once. 

“That’s kind of how I felt. I wasn’t going to let them take you away, not if I could stop it. It was my choice and I chose you. You shouldn’t feel guilty for a decision I made.” Clementine’s tone leaves no room for arguments, but she’s looking at Violet as if she’s challenging her to try to.

“I do though.” Violet replies, the fight draining out of her in light of the truth. She feels so guilty for losing Louis. Had she been stronger and able to overpower that raider, Clem could have focused on saving Louis and everything would be okay. 

“You shouldn’t.” Clem’s voice goes back to being soft, her posture relaxing once she realizes they aren’t going to get into an argument. “I would choose you again. Louis is my friend but you… You’re more than that.” Clementine’s words are so quiet that Violet has to strain to hear them. There’s a bright blush on Clem’s face now and Violet is sure her face matches. 

Hesitantly, Violet makes her way over to Clem and wraps her arms around her. She sighs when Clementine returns the embrace without pause. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t mean to blame you or anything and I don’t. I know it was a tough call. Sorry I’m bad at all this.” Clem’s arms tighten around her in response and Violet can feel herself smile. 

“It’s fine. I’m not the best at it either.” Clementine huffs out a laugh. “Luke taught me you have to talk about this sort of stuff though, even when it’s not fun.” Clem’s voice sounds wistful and Violet accepts the change in topic quickly. 

“Who was Luke?” Violet likes the sound of Clementines voice like this, relaxing and soft. She wants to listen to it for a bit, instead of thinking about all the problems they have to deal with. 

“He looked out for me after… After Omid died and Christa got separated from me. He saved me from bleeding to death… Kind of.” Clementine huffs out a small laugh before continuing, her hand slowly running through Violet’s hair. “He was nice, really cared about his friends. Always told me family was the most important tool for surviving. He saved me more times than I can remember. He sort of reminded me of Lee…” Just from Clementine’s voice, Violet knows she’s smiling. But then she takes a deep breath and her voice different, darker, when she continues. “We were crossing a frozen lake when it cracked under him. I tried to help but the ice shattered and we fell in. It was so cold, I got trapped under the ice. A walker tried to drag me down but Luke saved me one last time. He pulled the walker off me and I got pulled out by Jane but Luke… He didn’t.” The slight tremor in Clem’s voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Violet who tightens her embrace. 

“I’m sorry if-” Before Violet can apologize again, Clementine cuts her off. 

“Stop. Apologizing.” Clementine’s voice is steady and sure, despite the memories Violet is sure she is reliving. “I wouldn’t talk about him if I wasn’t okay with it.” 

“Still. I’m sorry you’ve had a lot of bullshit in your life.” Violet mumbles, not sure what else to say. “If you wanna talk, I’ll listen… Ya know?” Violet tacks on with as best a shrug as she can manage being pressed against Clementine. 

“This is good. For now. Damn, I can’t remember the last time I hugged someone who wasn’t AJ.” Clementine’s arms tighten slightly at the revelation.

“Walkers not good enough huggers for you?” Violet laughs a bit trying to ease the tension. Clementine shakes her head.

“I think I’d prefer you any day.” That shouldn’t be a surprise to hear but Violet is shocked and she's sure the blush on her face will never go away at this rate. She assumes it’s Clementine’s bold nature that makes her able to say romantic things without becoming a total flustered mess. She wishes she could be like that too. 

“For the record, same here, I just figured it was a given.” Violet scoffs, her body relaxing the longer the embrace lasts. It’s once she’s fully relaxed that she feels it. A slight tremble in Clementine’s body. “Whoa hey you okay?” She feels a nod against her shoulder.

“I just… haven't hugged anyone in years.” Clementine mumbles, obviously embarrassed. “I kind of forgot how nice it is.” Violet feels her chest clench at that. Sometimes she forgets that Clem hasn’t been living among friends for the past few years like she has. It’s something she’s never appreciated as much as she should. 

“Well I’m here anytime and I think hugging you is nice too... You tell that to Louis and I’ll have to kill you both.” Violet smiles and Clem laughs softly. “Hey Clem?”

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks. For saving me and for talking me through all that emotional bullshit.” Clementine laughs, happy and relaxed and it makes Violet smile wide.

“Hey, I’m always here to help with emotional bullshit.” Violet nuzzles closer, content to take her moments when she can get them. They have a lot to worry about and a lot to plan but for now Violet is content. There are worse places to be during an apocalypse than cuddled up to a cute girl. Violet counts herself as pretty lucky for the first time in a long time. She just hopes their luck doesn’t run out.


End file.
